I’m not perfect and I definitely would never claim to be. My site covers anything honestly that I feel is worthy to talk about and that I feel is boggling my mind, or something that I feel should be heard. Well I feel like this story should be heard and should be a lesson.
It all started my sophomore year of high school. I moved to a new school and I knew nobody. I was the minority to be exact, but that really didn’t matter. it was a small school my class was only about 87 kids give or take and there was about 460 in the whole school. I wasn’t joking. it was small school in a very small town. Everyone knew each other. There wasn’t really “popular” kids but if there were you know who they’d be, but they weren’t stuck up so they didn’t define themselves as “popular” if that makes sense.
I had started going to school there in the middleish of the year and I started school there with a boyfriend. let’s get that out of the way now. There’s so much drama with him. Well, anyways, I started to have this HUGE crush on this guy and his name was well. lets call him freddy. It was just a crush right? Well, needless to say we both had relationships and we ended up cheating on our bf/gf with each other. I know. horrible. BUT this isn’t the point of the story.
Come my junior year, I had kept it a secret for SO long. I finally told ONE person. and I should have known better, they told someone else and then word got around. EXCEPT word got around that I was lying. What did I have to lie about? I admitted cheating on my bf at the time with him, why couldn’t he? For the first semester I was bullied every day by more then just him. He had the whole school on his side and that made matters ten times worse.
I used to wear glasses and they would call me “eagle eye.” and just horrible names. they would talk about me while I was RIGHT there and I didn’t want to stoop down to their level I just let everything roll through my ears honestly. I’d go home crying EVERY night. That was the worst part.
One day I finally got the courage to stand up for myself. I had it! I wasn’t gonna let them tear me down anymore. I finally yelled at them and said something and told them they don’t know me and to quit talking about me like they did! It was towards the end of the semester and honestly at that point in time I didn’t take care of myself. Never did my hair… never did my make up. Second semester EVERYTHING changed for me. I got a boyfriend and I started caring I had no bullies and they all wanted to be my friend to be honest. My biggest bully even apologized! That was amazing to me and it made me feel so good and I literally had no more worries.
Well then… comes my senior year. Disaster strikes in my world. I found out my boyfriend cheated on me (btw the boyfriend that I cheated on cheated on me too.) I ended up finding out who it was he cheated on me with and you know what I did? Bullied her. That’s the honest truth. Every time I passed her in the halls I would say “whore, slut, hoe, bitch…” anything that came to my mind. I was so hurt by their actions I took it out on her. I didn’t even realize what I was doing. I didn’t look at it as bullying at the time.
I remember realizing what I was doing. It was like God was talking to me. I remember watching a video about bullying. And then I started to think about my past then it all dawned on me and hit me. I was the bully now. How could that be? I was so anti-bully how the heck did I become this bully that I hate. At that time it didn’t matter how I became the bully, but how I would fix it.
After I realized what I was doing I immediately wrote to her on facebook. I apologized for anything I had said. and you know I didn’t think that I got under her skin, but I did.She let it be known that I did make her feel bad. That was my whole intention in the beginning. So why was I feeling so bad now? I know why because I knew I was wrong for what I was doing. But, she forgave me.
I guess I just wanted to hurt her the same way she hurt me, but honestly it wasn’t worth the guilt that I felt from it. It wasn’t right. It shouldn’t have happened.