Confused.

So I’ve been in a relationship for the past 5 and a half years. But before that I had a boyfriend who was my first love. I was only 15/16 BUT there’s no age on love. I call him the beautiful mistake. He wasn’t necessarily a mistake just because I did love him and I can’t take that back and I wouldn’t. But our relationship was poison.

This is going to sound bad because well it is I guess, but I will always have love for him. Always. I’m not in love with him or anything like that and I’m very faithful. I’m also very committed. BUT, this guy has a hold on me. I don’t know what it is but he will always have this hold. I kick him out of my life and he comes back! Some way or another he’s back.

He came back a couple days ago after me telling him a year ago not to come back. He was different though he was nice. I have some sort of weakness for this man. Something that I can’t control.

I want to make one thing clear. My other half knows that this guy does this and that he’s back. I’m not hiding anything from him.

Anyways, I feel like the only reason he comes back is cause two reasons;

Reason one: he thinks he’s going to get some sex from me.

No. He will not

Reason two: he likes to play with my emotions and jerk me around and see what kind of pull he has on me still.

I’m sorry, but if your first love comes back into your life for unknown reasons, it messes you up and leaves you wondering. Like why is he doing this? I’m so tired of it.

I know I’m doing it to myself but I’m just not a strong person. At all. I try to be but I find myself texting him first when I never do that. Ever. It’s just a tough situation to be in. I don’t know how to handle it  do I block him all over again? I don’t know  I’m stuck  and I’m not a strong person  so I’m really stuck

Nojudgement please.

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